


Once Upon A Time - Still Kind of Beautiful

by ShyBear



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F, Other, Rookie Blue - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 02:53:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2716238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyBear/pseuds/ShyBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sophie is home for the winter holidays after completing her very first semester at McGill University in Montréal. She is pre-med and wants to become a Forensic Pathologist, and Gail couldn't be more proud of her! She also has a new hero, someone who she doesn't realize is also in Gail's past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not exactly a holiday story. Special thanks to TalentedGemX and Maryaun for encouraging this little detour from my regular story.
> 
> As always, I love hearing from you! Comments, reviews, PMs, etc... are what keep me writing!

**Pt.1**

"MOM!" Sophie's voice whines from the couch in the living room.

She is home for the winter holidays after completing her very first semester at McGill University in Montréal. Gail leans her hips against the kitchen counter and sighs. How time flies, she thinks as she pauses in placing the last of the dishes from dinner into the dishwasher. She smiles and shakes her head as Sophie's impatient voice calls for her again.

"Mom! Come on! This show is so cool and you're going to miss it!" Sophie insists.

"Alright! Alright Kitten, I'll be right there!" Gail laughs, using the pet name she started calling her daughter long before the adoption went through.

The Forgotten Forensic Files is the show that Sophie has been telling Gail about for over a month now. It's her new favorite show in the universe she gushes with enthusiasm, and its about to begin on the History Chanel any minute now!

Sophie is nineteen years old and wants to be a doctor, a forensic pathologist at that. Go figure. She will be the first Peck in seven generations not to be a cop. She is so damn smart! And Gail couldn't be more proud of her. She wants to solve mysteries and cold cases like the doctors on the show. And it is understandable that she says she wants to give the victims of crime a voice. Her birth mother, the mother of her first eight years, had been murdered while she was at school one day, a woman struck down by a stray bullet who Gail found bleeding in the laundry room of their apartment building.

The first few years had been rough, with Sophie living in a group home and suffering from anxiety and depression, and Gail's life riding a rollercoaster of epic proportions both in her career and her personal life. Through out it all though, Gail's unconditional love and support for the girl who became her daughter never waivered. When Sophie was almost eleven, she finally moved in with Gail full time, in to the tiny two-bedroom townhouse Gail managed to rent with her bigger salary from her new position with the human trafficking division of CISI. When Sophie was fifteen the adoption finally went through, and she officially became Gail's daughter. She started calling Gail "Mom" shortly after her sixteenth birthday, much to Gail's delight and surprise.

Gail hears the show's theme music start up and she knows Sophie is waiting anxiously for her to join her on the couch. This is their time. It's time when Gail will snuggle next to Sophie and watch whatever her not so little girl wants. It's time to give her daughter her undivided attention, listening to whatever Sophie wants to tell her during the commercial breaks. It's something they have been doing since the beginning. It's something, like the long drives they used to take, that lets them be close and confide in each other without the emotional pressure of being face to face.

As she rounds the corner, she isn't sure if it's the words or the voice that makes her heart stop and her world come crashing down. This is the last thing in the world she ever expected to see on TV. Thank God she is still behind the couch where Sophie can't see her face, as her blood rushes to her ears and her chest feels like she's been shot.

"Looking at bones like these is like putting together a puzzle." That once oh so familiar voice continues.

Holly.

How long has it been since Gail heard that voice? She doesn't know, but it still has the power to do things to her. She looks up to see Holly, larger than life on the screen, happily rambling away about the pattern of fractures major impact trauma leaves behind when a victim is struck by a vehicle. Dr. Holly Stewart, Senior Forensic Pathologist, Mt. Sinai University, San Francisco, CA, flashes at the bottom of the screen below her. Gail hasn't seen her in a decade, not since Holly left, and God, she's still so beautiful! Knowing that she has to pull herself together, Gail closes her eyes, takes a deep breath through her nose, counts to four, and lets it quietly out through her mouth.

"Come on Mom! This is so cool!" Sophie turns, eyes shining as she exclaims, "And Dr. Stewart, I just love it when she's on! She always explains things in a way that makes sense. She is, is, well she is just so awesome!"

You have no idea… Gail thinks with a sad smile, before joining her daughter on the couch. She can only hope that Sophie is so wrapped up in the show that she won't notice Gail's hands shaking. She braces them on her knees as she sits to steady them.

"Yes," Holly continues, "When I was with the Toronto Police Forensics Department, we had a hit and run case very much like this one…"

The memory of sitting in the morgue on a cold fall day, watching Holly piece Robby Robbins back together the very first day they met, runs over Gail's senses like a freight train.

Sophie is rambling on about how Dr. Stewart is the best in her field. About how Holly has done more cutting edge research to revolutionize the field of crime scene reconstruction and DNA analysis and the determination of the post-mortem interval than anyone else. But Gail already knows this. What she needs is to focus on her daughter.

"Yes," Gail says absently, lost back in time, watching that adorable crooked smile appear like magic on Holly's face as she finishes her thought, "She is pretty awesome…"

Not that she would admit to it, but there isn't a book or article or scrap of paper that Holly has published in the past ten years that Gail hasn't read. In fact, although it sometimes makes her feel like a stalker, Gail has followed Holly's professional life closely, at least on paper.

"Wait!" Suddenly Sophie is clutching at her arm, "Wait! You know her?!"

"I did." Gail concedes with a sigh. "We were friends once."

"So wait, you knew I want to be a Forensic Pathologist, and you never once mentioned that you know Dr. Holly Stewart? She's only the top Forensic scientist in the world!" Sophie demands, "How could you do this to me? I mean I only worship her! Oh Mom! What is she like?"

Oh the irony… Gail thinks as she shrugs and looks at her hands regretfully. "Now she's just somebody that I used to know." She says quietly, "Listen… Why don't you ask your Aunt Traci? I think they may still be in touch." She says, knowing that Holly and Traci have maintained a close friendship over the years, even though she never asks and Traci doesn't talk to her about it.

Before her words are even finished, Sophie has sprung from the couch and run for her phone.

**Pt.2**

Holly is home for the holidays. Home. What a strange and wonderful thing, even though she hasn't lived in this city in a decade, Toronto still feels like home. She comes home about once or twice a year to spend a few weeks to a month visiting friends and relatives, living in the guestroom of what is now her sister's townhouse, although she still owns it. On longer visits, like this one, she combines pleasure with business, hanging out in the morgue, getting caught up with old colleagues, and now that she let her boss talk her into being on that stupid show, giving lectures and making a few official public appearances, God or somebody help her.

It used to be easier avoiding Gail. When Sophie and Leo were young, all that Traci needed to do was to get Gail to babysit the kids for an evening and they would meet up for drinks at The Black Penny. Now that the kids are both old enough to be in collage, it's harder, even though Holly knows Gail doesn't really go out much anymore. She knows she's taken the coward's way out. As Traci says, it's been ten years for Christ's sake, what is she still afraid of? They did part as friends. Right? And now, Traci tells her, laughing at her the whole time, Sophie is a big fan of the show and wants to meet her. It's like she's become the butt of some bad, sad cosmic joke. She sighs and drops her forehead into her arms that are resting on the bar. Seamus, the regular bartender at the Penny, pushes a Jack and Coke in front of her without being asked.

"It's good to see you Doc!" He says as he goes back to polishing the glassware, "This one's on me."

"Thanks Seamus!" She smiles, sitting back up to lift the glass to her mouth. The barely tainted liquor burns all the way down.

Just the way Gail likes it, or did, in any case.

It's been ten years, three months, and sixteen days since she kissed the blonde officer goodbye at the airport on her way to her new life, not that she would know. Ten years, three months, sixteen days, and nine and a half hours since she boarded that plane to be exact, if she kept track of those kinds of things. Ten years, three months, sixteen days, and four hours since she left a message on Gail's voicemail letting her know that her flight had landed in San Francisco, and began to wait for a reply that never came. She thought about reaching out to Gail when Traci told her that Sophie's adoption didn't go through, and then again a year and a half later, when it did. She had wanted to fly home and rush to Gail's side when she heard about the internal corruption investigation, and then the trial where Gail and Steve had been forced to testify against their parents, pitting them against each other as well. But the wall of silence had stopped her. She had seen Gail from a distance on several of her visits home, always managing to slip away before she was noticed, not wanting her presence to intrude on Gail's life. She had heard from several of their mutual friends about how retched Gail had been after she left, and how Gail finally managed to pull herself together when it became clear that Children's Services were considering her once again as a parental candidate for Sophie, after Sophie's placement with a more traditional family fell apart. Who is she kidding? It isn't just Gail that she is trying to protect.

"Hey Girl! You are looking good!" She can hear the smile in Traci's voice even before she spins around on her bar stool to be grabbed into a warm hug.

"Traci!" She grins into the shoulder of the wool coat that is pressing into her cheek.

Traci pulls back, holding her at arms length for a moment and then lets go. She waives at Seamus and holds up two fingers. He nods and places two shots of bourbon and two pints of beer on the bar in front of them.

They settle into a booth in the back, talking about Holly's reluctant celebrity, and Traci's recent promotion to Regional Special Operations Team Leader and her move from Division 15 to the Ontario Police Headquarters, and about how she and Steve reconnected about a year ago and are giving dating another try.

"So you and Steve…?" Holly tilts her head, raising her eyebrows at Traci, "How is that working?"

"It's good." Traci smiles back, "I think we are really going to make a go of it this time. He has done a lot of work on himself around communication, and control, and trust."

"That's great Traci, I am really happy for you." Holly replies.

"Thanks!" Traci says, "And even better, Leo loves Steve, so he couldn't be more thrilled!"

"I can't believe he is in his second year at the University of Toronto! All grown up, and a starting Left Wing on the hockey team!" Holly smiles and shakes her head.

"You want me to get us tickets for a game while you're here?" Traci glows with pride.

"Of course!" Holly grins and finishes her drink. "Here let me get us another round."

The Penny has filled up quickly in the time they have been sitting wrapped in conversation, with the usual crowd of cops getting off the day shift, people from the neighborhood, and the occasional college student or two. Holly has to push her way to the bar and squeeze in between a couple or large guys to place their drink order. She fidgets as she waits for the new bartender she doesn't know to stop flirting a couple of girls sitting at the end of the bar. Sooner or later people she knows will be filing in after work, and then she will be here all night. She sighs and looks up to find Seamus placing their drinks before her.

"Sorry about that." He shrugs, "Jimmy doesn't know you, and he thought you were just some hot cougar out hunting cops." He smirks.

"So I'm no longer a badge bunny." She laughs, "Well at least he thinks I'm still hot."

"Darlin', you were never a badge bunny!" The voice says behind her, "And Seamus, put that on my tab."

She whirls around to be caught in a great hug that warms her down to her very soul.

"It's so good to see you." She murmurs into Oliver's ear.

"Yup. Yup, I could say the same." Oliver releases her, "Celery told me you were in town. So I figured it was only a matter of time before I caught you sneaking around down here."

"I am not sneaking around!" She replies indignantly.

"Sure you're not…" He laughs at her

"I'm not! I'm here with Traci, if you must know…" She gives him a playful shove.

"Yeah, yeah, sittin' in the back, ignoring all of us little people…" He teases. "Well look Darlin', I gotta go but maybe I'll see you when I get home on Monday?"

"Celery and I are just going to hang around the house after lunch, so you know you will." She smiles as he kisses her cheek and walks off in the direction of the dartboard.

Holly smiles to herself. It is good to be home. She has picked up the drinks and is carefully turning to return to her seat when she literally bumps into someone that stops her cold. The black leather jacket is shockingly familiar, from the tiny scull charm dangling from the zipper on the breast pocket to the knot she put in the waist belt so long ago. Looking up into eyes, framed by gold wire rimmed glasses, as dark and brown as her own, in a face she has only seen in pictures, makes Holly gasp.

"Hey! Watch it lady!" The dark curls that tumble out from underneath a watch cap, and the flawless milk-chocolate brown skin are unfamiliar, but the tone and the accompanying gesture are all Gail.

"Sophie?" Holly asks in a hushed tone.

"Oh my God!" Is all Sophie can manage as she gapes wide eyed at her hero, a blush rising in her cheeks. "Doc..Dr. Stewart? You… you know who I am?" She finally sputters.

Holly regains her composure as she watches the girl struggle.

"Wha... what are you doing here?" Sophie stutters, still obviously in shock.

Holly laughs, "I'm having a drink with your Aunt Traci."

"Oh." Sophie says, still frozen to the spot.

"Why don't you come over and say hello." Holly continues, leading the way back to the booth.

"Oh. Ok." Sophie follows like a puppy, all awkward and shy.

"Look who I found." Holly says while sliding back into the booth.

"Oh good! You've met." Traci looks up with a smile. "Hey Sophie! How's school?"

Sophie is still standing somewhat dumbstruck in front of them.

"Uh… good Aunt Traci, really good…" She finally manages.

"Sophie wants to be a Forensic Pathologist too." Traci smiles at Holly.

"Really?" Holly tilts her head with a smile, "So you want to be an uber-science nerd like me?

"Oh I don't think you're a nerd, Dr. Stewart! Well not in a bad way, anyway. I think you're amazing! And all of the cases you help solve…" Sophie gushes.

"Please. Call me Holly." She interrupts, her smile growing wider. So this is Sophie. This amazing young woman is the reason Gail couldn't come with her to San Francisco. Sitting here listening to Sophie ramble on, bubbling about forensic science, in much the same way she does herself, is like a gift she didn't know she needed. Until now. Holly finds the weight of ten years of disappointment and resentment for a life without Gail lifting as she sees the young woman before her begin to glow with excitement as she answers each question about their chosen profession. Traci is grinning ear to ear with pride across the table at her too.

"I have to say, I'm impressed." Holly grins as Sophie finishes telling them about the molecular biology project on the breakdown of DNA and methods of its reconstruction for analysis in the field she has been working on all semester. "That's quite advanced stuff you are working on!"

She watches Sophie blush, lick her lips and scuff her boot on the wooden floor and then look back up at her with wide, trusting eyes in a way that is just so Gail. It catches Holly completely off guard; it makes her want to cry all of a sudden. She can feel Traci's eyes, soft and motherly, watching her. It's all starting to be too much.

"Hey! There you are. I thought we were meeting at the bar…" Gail's annoyed voice cuts in behind Sophie.

Holly closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and leans her head against the wooden back of the booth.

"Hey Mom! I was just talking to Aunt Traci and Dr. Stewart… erm… I mean Holly!" Sophie exclaims, excitement sparkling in her eyes as she turns to face Gail.

"Oh." Gail says as all of the blood drains from her body. She licks her lips, feeling as if she has been plunged into ice water.

Traci is frozen too, looking from Holly to Gail to Sophie with frantic, worried eyes. She finally snaps out of it, springing from her seat to take Sophie gently by the arm. "Why don't we go get another round at the bar." She says, leading a thoroughly confused Sophie away from the booth.

Brown eyes open to meet blue and nothing else matters. The Penny, the noise, and everyone else all seem to disappear.

"Hello Gail." Holly says softly.

That's all it takes. Suddenly Holly is on her feet. Gail takes two quick strides forward to catch her and hold on tight.

"I've missed you." Holly finally manages to gasp in a strangled whisper.

"Me too, Holly, me too." Gail sobs quietly into her ear. "More than I can ever say."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a letter on the desktop that I dug out of a drawer    
> The last truce we ever came to from our adolescent war   
> And I start to feel the fever from the warm air through the screen   
>  You come regular like seasons shadowing my dreams 
> 
> Indigo Girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sat down to write a holiday chapter of Far From Home and wrote this instead. Once again, I can never just leave what I intended as a one-shot alone. Thank you for the overwhelming response to the first part of this story! I’m not sure how I feel about part 2, but I hope you like it.

  **Pt.3**

Gail’s world is on fire, spinning and twisting, filling her head with everything she has been trying to ignore, for years really. Right now, she has a white-knuckle grip on the cool stone counter top of the island in her kitchen in a vein attempt to regain some kind of equilibrium. It steadies her as she tries to take deep calming breaths. She is still reeling from running into Holly at the Penny last night after all this time, and now she feels like she’s going to explode. It’s funny how time changes everything, and nothing at all, at the same time.

Sophie called from her visit to Traci’s this morning. Holly is coming to dinner. Gail’s beautiful, smart, wonderful, maddening daughter invited her. Sophie is clearly smitten with her forensics idol, and has been a whirlwind of fan-girl excitement, and questions, ever since last night, and now she has invited Holly to dinner. And, of course, the now famous Dr. Stewart has agreed to grace them with her presence. Tonight. _How the fuck did she let this happen?_ The irony of the situation is not lost on Gail. Not one bit.

Gail looks at the time, it’s only one thirty in the afternoon, T minus four and counting, plenty of time to put the finishing touches on the flourless chocolate cake she made last night, time enough to get Sophie’s favorite spinach lasagna in the oven, and the white wine chilling in the fridge. She can do this. She takes a deep breath and pushes herself fully to her feet. Thank goodness Traci and Leo got Sophie to go to the movies with them, she’s not sure her nerves could handle any more questions right now. In the meanwhile she will make the lasagna’s spinach and mushroom filling, and assemble it with the gorgonzola alfredo sauce she made earlier. She knows it’s wrong, but keeping busy is the only thing stopping her from curling up in bed in the fetal position right now. _What is wrong with her?_

T minus two and counting, Traci and the kids will be home by five thirty, and Holly should be here by six. The kitchen is spotless, diner is in the oven, there is nothing left to do but take a shower, and put herself together. Gail climbs the stairs as the memories she has successfully kept at bay all of these years come flooding back to haunt her. Holly, leaning over a sorted skeleton in the morgue; Holly, teasing Gail about being so impatient about getting the results from a DNA test; Holly, picking her up at the hospital on the day she burned her wrist, and treating her like she was something precious and important; Holly naked in bed; Holly lying flush against her skin after making love all day on the night before Holly left for the States; and Holly forcing Gail look her in the eye as she told Gail she would always love her before she walked away that last time.

Entering the bathroom, Gail turns on the shower to let it warm up and leans heavily on the sink in front of her letting her head hang between her arms. And then it comes unbidden from the depths of the black, and once bottomless pit of all of her insecurities. The memory of Holly standing at the bar at the Black Penny the night before Christmas one year and three months after she had moved to San Francisco, nine years ago next week. Before the job offer from CISI to do something important, something she loves, before Sophie became her daughter, before Nick had recovered from getting shot, before Chris had finally become clean, before she and Steve decided they needed to repair their relationship and their lives by seeking professional help, it had been possibly the worst year of Gail’s life. Beginning with Holly’s move, she thought she had lost everything she cared about. She desperately needed a change, needed someone who would always love her. All she had wanted to do when she saw Holly standing at the bar with Traci was to swallow what was left of her pride and run back into her arms! She was ready, even if it meant she had to beg Holly to take her back. She would go to San Francisco, if Holly still wanted her. And then it happened, she overhearing Holly tell Traci about the offer of a permanent position and sizable promotion to spearhead the leading mobile forensics team in the world, in recognition of all of her excellent work there. She was practically glowing with excitement as she spoke! Gail felt her chest overflow with love and pride for this amazing woman. She was just about to announce her presence by buying them a congratulatory round when she heard Traci mention her name. And then Gail saw it, the look of disappointment and disapproval that crossed Holly’s face, or felt it more accurately, like a physical, crushing blow.

She knew she was a mess. She had been caught up in the massive departmental corruption investigation and scandal, forced to testify against her family. She knew she was, and had always been a bitter disappointment and a disgrace to her mother in one way or another for most of her life, and while her father’s love had always tempered his displeasure about her shortcomings, the undercurrent of dissatisfaction was always present and this was her final traitorous failure. Steve’s anger had been the hardest to face, even though he had been forced into a similar position. In a last ditch effort to regain any amount of self-respect and control over her life, she had finally turned in her badge, resigning her position on the force. Soon after, she had lost all hope of adopting Sophie to a racially diverse, married, heterosexual couple with two other kids, and a large home overlooking the lake. She had long ago stopped seeking anyone else’s approval, but to have Holly judge her made her blood run cold. So instead of surprising Holly by joining them, she had slammed back her shot, and fled clutching at the bleeding pieces of her shattered heart, hoping that nobody had noticed her.

_Fuck!_

The doorbell rings just as she is stripping off her ratty, ancient, pale blue hoodie and tattered jeans.

“What the…” She grumbles, turning off the shower and getting redressed.

The doorbell rings again.

“Jesus Christ! I’m coming!” She calls out on her way down the stairs, “Just wait a frickin’ minute, this isn’t a…”

The words dying on her lips as she opens the door.

The woman on her doorstep takes her breath away. Shifting her weight from one foot to another, and fidgeting with her glasses, Holly spins around to face her as the door opens.

“Gail. Hey.” She breathes out as she stuffs her hands into the pockets of the oversized cardigan she is wearing underneath an open blue down parka.

“Hey.” Gail cautiously replies, “What are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighborhood, and I saw your door, and your lights were on, and… and… um… I would say that the courier was sick, but…” Holly stumbles nervously over the words pouring out of her, gesturing wildly with her hands that have somehow freed themselves of her sweater.

Gail wants to guard her tender heart, to not be drawn back into Holly’s gravity. She tries to play it cool, but she can’t seem to help the way her heart skips, or the full body rush she is experiencing, or the grin, or the joy she feels bubbling up in her chest at this ridiculous, awkward, beautiful woman floundering on her doorstep.

“I take it you want to come in and talk.” She says, grabbing Holly by both of her elbows and giving her a gentle tug over the threshold.

The sudden movement causes Holly to stumble slightly, lurching her literally into Gail’s arms to keep from falling.

**Pt.4**

She hadn’t meant to do it. Not any of it. Not at all. But seeing Gail so close last night, actually touching her, holding her if even for just one moment opened a door Holly couldn’t seem to close. She knew that it was stupid, unscientific, impulsive, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. Gail Peck felt like home.

An endless amount of teasing had already begun yesterday when her sister discovered she had made a date with Traci at the Penny to meet Gail’s daughter that night. Holly had tried to brush it off as taking a professional interest in a young woman who was important to Traci, and wanted to join her field of expertise. But her sister wasn’t fooled.

“Oh my God Holly! Just stop stalking her and talk with her already!” Laurel commented, with a superior smirk, when Holly told her where she were going last night, “What is this, Junior High School?!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not stalking Gail! I’m meeting her daughter Sophie, Traci’s niece, to talk about her first year of pre-med at McGill!” Holly tried to sound indignant, even though she knew Laurel was right.

“Then why do you know exactly who and what I’m talking about when I haven’t even mentioned her name?” Laurel continued, raising one pointed eyebrow.

She was busted!

“Oh look! You’re blushing! That’s so cute!” Laurel laughed right in her face as the room suddenly became unbearably hot.

“I am not!” Holly sulked.

Later that night she was hoping her sister would be asleep when she got home, but no such luck. Laurel fixed her with a knowing stare when she “had that look in her eye” as she came in the door.

“You saw her, didn’t you.”

Holly shrugged, adjusting her glasses, smiling dreamily, not wanting to tell her sister she had actually hugged Gail this time.

“Seriously Holly, when are you going to stop pining away, and either ask Gail for another chance, or get over her? It’s only been ten years of this stupidity!” Laurel continued.

“I’m not pining away! And I have had other relationships, Ms. Smartypants!” Holly protested weakly.

“Whatever you say Holly. Then why do you always find an excuse to ditch perfectly nice women after no more than six months together? And why is it, on any given day, I could ask you what Gail has been up to, and you would know, and be able to give me a detailed answer?” Laurel needled her with a wry expression.

Holly sighed and declined to answer, concluding that it was probably best to say nothing in response. Her sister had, of course, been right. She always, annoyingly, was.

Gail still smelled the same, like sandalwood, and baking cookies, and coffee. It was intoxicating! Holly had almost forgotten, until last night. And now it’s all she could think about. It had driven her into the car with a weak excuse about checking out the new facilities at the morgue, only to find herself here, at Gail’s door. Like a woman possessed, climbing the front stairs, ringing the bell, feeling foolish, hoping no one is home, and praying that Gail is here all at once, Holly feels so out of control. When the door opens, the sight of Gail wearing her old blue hoodie, the one she left at Gail’s place a decade ago makes Holly’s heart skip a beat. It makes her ramble, and stutter, and stumble. As Gail catches her reflexively to stop her from completely falling, she can feel Gail’s arms tighten around her waist, pulling her closer than necessary. She can feel Gail’s heart beating right through her sweater. Looking up into those clear blue eyes, Holly knew she was a goner. She hadn’t meant to do it, but Gail’s lips are like a magnet, drawing her in.

The kiss is hungry, starving really, as she buries her hands in Gail’s hair and her tongue in Gail’s mouth. She hears the front door slam behind them, as Gail moans and sighs into her. Her knees begin to buckle at the sound. And just like that, Gail’s body is slamming her up against the nearest wall. She came here to talk, to try to catch Gail alone, to see if they could find a way to start over, or at least be friends, and yet somehow, they ended up like this. Maybe this is how they are meant to communicate, she thinks fleetingly, like a lightning strike in a forest, burning off the old to allow for new growth. It takes her back to interrogation rooms, and bathtubs, and her old office at the morgue, not that she’s complaining. Not when every cell in her body is on fire and rejoicing in the same way she is sure a wilting plant reacts to water. She can feel herself breaking, years of regret, and disappointment, and holding herself back, come crashing down at their feet, and pouring out from beneath her closed eyelids as Gail’s fingers slide inside her sweater and her coat, pushing them to the floor with a soft thud, without breaking the kiss. Salty, bittersweet tears flow onto Holly’s mouth changing the taste of Gail’s tongue from want to need, as she realizes with a gasp that Gail is weeping too. Cool, soft hands slide up her back, under her shirt, pulling her closer still, leaving a trail of fire on her skin. They are melting together, gasping, and shaking and clutching desperately at each other. Smoldering brown eyes open to lock with the blue grey storm that pierces her very soul. In this moment there is only them, there is only this.

“ _Oh my God… MOTHER!_ ” The anguished cry rings out behind them, as the front door slams open breaking the spell.

Gail’s lips are ripped from hers and a cold breeze from the open door hits her like a slap where Gail’s body has just been. Holly lurches to her feet, awkwardly attempting to straighten her blouse, and put herself back together as she watches the scene before her unfold. Sophie standing wide eyed, mouth agape with shock in the doorway of Gail’s home, looking in horror from her to Gail and back before pushing roughly past them and running up the stairs, giving Holly a disdainful look as she goes.

“Sophie?” Gail calls softly to her daughter.

A bedroom door slams upstairs.

“Gail…” Traci begins, standing breathlessly on the doorstep, also looking from Gail to Holly and back, but with big motherly eyes this time.

“Don’t.” Gail warns her away with a vague wave of her hand.

The bedroom door slams again and Sophie descends scowling murderously at them all.

“Sophie! Where are you going young lady?” Gail commands, hands on her hips.

“What do you care?” Sophie shoots back, grabbing a very confused Leo by the arm. “Out! With people who I’m not interrupting! Come on Leo!”

Leo gives them all an apologetic half shrug and smile as he allows Sophie to drag him to her car.

“Sophie Katrina Peck! You get your ass back in this house right this second!” Gail storms after her, only to be stopped by Traci’s hand on her arm.

“Let her go.” Traci says quietly.

“Fuck!” Gail’s whole body deflates as she watches Sophie and Leo speed away in Sophie’s Honda Civic.

She digs the heels of her hands into her eyes as she sits abruptly on the stairs,

“She’ll be alright. At least Leo is with her.” Traci says quietly.

“Maybe I should go.” Holly says softly, getting her feet beneath her, feeling like her chest has been stomped on by an elephant.

“Don’t you dare!” Gail’s hand shoots out to grab her wrist hard, and then turning to glare at Traci, “What are you guys doing home so early? I thought your movie ended at five.”

“We went to The Human Genome Project at the Museum of Science instead.” Traci says with a shrug.

“Oh.” Gail says looking sadly up at her.

“She heard that Holly had a part in putting it together and wanted to impress her by having seen it.” Traci replies   
“Great.” Holly sighs, “And now she hates me.”

“No, but I do think she has a school girl crush on you, and walking in on you making out with her Mom may have burst her bubble.” Traci says with a smirk.

“Oh. That.” Holly shakes her head with a sad smile

“She does know about your past with Holly, right Gail?” Traci says as gently as she can.

“Nope.” Gail hangs her head and won’t look at either one of them.

“O – Kay…” Traci sighs

Gail continues, “ It… ah… never came up..? I mean it’s not like I’ve really dated anyone since I’ve had her.”

“No one?” Holly asks quietly.

“Nope.” Gail says, turning to face her, “She lost everything when her mom died, and I wasn’t going to bring someone else into our lives, just to have them leave and break her heart.”

“Oh.” Holly says sadly, feeling the impact of Gail’s words like a punch to her solar plexus.

“I’m sorry.” Gail says, seeing the pain register on her face, “I didn’t say that to hurt you, Holly.”

“That’s ok. I might kind of deserve it if you did.” Holly replies, deflated, unable to meet Gail’s eyes.

Traci clears her throat, “As much as I hate to break this up, I’m going to go home and wait to hear from Leo there. You two have a lot to talk about. And remember Gail, everyone deserves the chance to be happy, even you.”

“Thanks Traci.” Gail gets up to give her an unexpected hug, “I’ll call you when Sophie comes home.”

“You’re a good mother Gail.” Traci says as they part. “You know that, right? And I’ll see you later Holly!”She turns to go with a smile.

Gail is still pacing, and Holly can tell that her mind is running about a million miles an hour like a hamster wheel going nowhere. It’s the sheer helplessness she feels that keeps her glued to the couch in silence, watching Gail pace instead of getting up and reaching for her. Helplessness and guilt. Why did she think she and Gail ever stood a chance? She isn’t sure why she’s still here, but Gail insisted that she stay.

It’s nearly seven o’clock when the front door finally opens and Sophie comes storming in.

“What is she still doing here?” She demands in an icy tone, glaring at Holly.

“Sophie, “ Gail turns to face her daughter. Her tone is hard, but her eyes hold a softness Holly has rarely seen before, “She’s here because you invited her to dinner, and because she is my friend.”

“A friend. So that’s what you call it.” Sophie scoffs.

“That’s right.” Gail counters. “Or at least I hope we are.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Sophie glares at her.

Gail sighs and sags a little, “It’s complicated, Kitten. When I got you Holly had just moved to San Francisco, and you needed someone who would always be there, and I knew I couldn’t divide myself between the two of you if I was going to be able to be the parent you needed.”

The air has grown thick and hot making it hard for Holly to breathe around the growing lump in her throat and the pressure behind her eyes.

“But you’re right Sophie, Holly and I were never just friends.” She concludes, moving over to stand by Holly sitting on the couch.

“Is that why you never date anyone?” Sophie asks, crossing her arms.

“In part.” Gail reaches out to squeeze Holly’s shoulder. “And in part because I wanted to give you the most stable environment I could growing up.”

“Oh.” Sophie says, chewing on her lower lip, like Gail does some times.

“While I’m sorry you got upset by walking in on something you weren’t supposed to see, I’m not sorry that Holly is here.” Gail squeezes Holly’s shoulder again, and smiles at her for the first time.

“Ok…” Sophie says cautiously.

“I know we all have so much to talk about, but right now I’m starving! So go get ready for dinner young lady!” Gail says finally.

“Yes Mom.” Sophie turns and goes almost meekly up stairs.

As she leaves Holly gets up as well, the emotional rollercoaster of the day leaving her drained and exhausted.

“Maybe I should go…” She begins softly, looking into Gail’s clear blue eyes.

Gail reaches for her then, kissing her tenderly with soft lips as she cradles Holly’s head in her hands.

“Stay.” She whispers into her lips.

This is the one word Gail never said to her before, the one word that could have changed the course of their lives so long ago. Knowing with all her heart that there is no other choice, she can only nod and kiss Gail back, powerless to do anything else, come what may.


End file.
